September 10, 2014

DD # 71 -Heinkelisms

These are ACTUAL quotes from my high school baseball coach.  We didn't always see eye to eye, and not because he was quite short.

  • Be a leader, not Bill Clinton.
  • It's a tackhammer, not a sledgehammer.
  • Protect yourself from pickpocketing midgets.
  •  Keep your elbows straight. Eat the cracker.
  •  On your belly, like a reptile.
  • The bat and ball are connected. They're held together by an umbilical cord. They're siamese!
  • Hit the giant on the chin. 
  • When you field a ball, pretend it's a cookie. It's your favorite, chocalate chip. Don't let it crumble.
  • Don't just tie one leg of the doggy, tie 'em both. 
  •  Don't be a cowboy. Yahoo! The bow-legged Roy Rogers. 
  •  I don't watch millionaires. I love baseball, but I dont like banking. 
  •  Don't turn a pickle into a snowball fight.
  • Chinese fire drills won't win ballgames. 
  •  I'm sick and tired of your contagious bullshit
  •  Join the ballet. Pull down your pants and show your tutu. 
  •  Be a surgeon, cut it in half.
  • Don't stretch like a howdy doody doll.
  • Get some hair on your testicles, gonads, manhood, balls
  •  Whatcha gonna do? Sit back and get your jollies watching an old man work harder than you. 
  •  Dargatz references- nimrod, bozo, blowhard, turkey, numbskulls,doorknob, goofy, quacking sleepybrain

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